Mundane

Do you ever get tired of being responsible? I do.

You know the “I can’t go do that” because I have work the next day. Or the constant thinking ahead and planning, if I drink too much caffeine today I won’t sleep tonight, which will make me exhausted tomorrow.

When really shouldn’t I be enjoying today and living life to the fullest now?

Let me guess, you are thinking.. wow she is really over thinking this. Or geez.. first world problems much??

Ever since getting my nursing degree I have loved my job. Which is huge all in itself. Then COVID-19 pandemic hit and everything stopped, I mean everything. Well, of course, not work for me, because I work on a step-down ICU – there is always work for me.

It just really feels like my husband and I worked so hard to get here, now that we are here it’s not what we expected or wanted it to be. Back to my point, I wish we had a way to be not “so” responsible. We are young with no children, we should be living our lives. Right?

I’m not saying that couples with children can’t live their lives. I’m saying the stagnancy of the past year plus has really worn me down. I want to travel and get away. Enjoy being married and being free to learn together, discover new things together.

Instead, I worry about not getting sleep or not eating the right thing. Planning ahead so I don’t get taken by surprise. Not being spontaneous, being responsible.